Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Mayonnaise Jar

The Mayonnaise Jar 

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. 

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”. 

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you...” he told them.

“So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. 

The professor smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Please share this with other "Golf Balls"

Smart Filipino Boy

A Filipino boy was very sad in class.

The teacher asked, “KULITS what is your problem?”

KULITS answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Teacher had enough. She took KULITS to the principal’s office.
While KULITS waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.

KULITS was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: What is 3 x 3?

KULITS: 9, maam!

Principal: What is 6 x 6?

KULITS: 36, maam!

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at teacher and tells her,
“I think KULITS can go to the third-grade. ”

Teacher says to the principal, “I have some of my
own questions. Can I ask him ?”

The principal and KULITS both agreed.

Teacher asks: What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?

KULITS: Legs, maam!

Teacher : What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?

KULITS: Pockets!

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

KULITS: Coconut!

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out
soft And sticky?

(The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, KULITS. was taking charge...)

KULITS: Bubblegum, maam!

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

(The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer…)

KULITS: Shake hands!

Teacher: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of
questions, okay?

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up. I get wet before you do.


Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you’re bored. The
best man always has me first.

KULITS: Wedding Ring, maam!

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.


Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with a quiver. What is it?

KULITS: Arrow!

Teacher: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’
that means lot of heat and excitement?

KULITS: Firetruck!

Teacher: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’
& if u don’t get it, u have to use ur hand.


Teacher: What is it that all men have one. It’s
longer on some men, than on others,
the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they’re married?


Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has
muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible
for making love ?


The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to
the teacher :

Principal: Huh! send this Boy to Harvard University!!! Even I got
the last ten questions wrong myself! :D

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Catch Me if You Can Quotes

Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse. - Frank Abagnale Sr.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Last Words

One day a girl, Sara, who was fifteen years old, came home from school in a very bad mood. She'd had a fight with her best friend that day and it hadn't turned out well at all.

"Sara!" her mom yelled. "What are you doing? You know to do your chores right when you get home! And you're late!"

"Coming, Mom!" Sara yelled, getting up and stomping towards the kitchen. "What?" she snapped as her mother gave her a stern look, annoyed.

"You'd better straighten up your attitude, young lady," her mom warned, "or you'll be grounded."
"Whatever." Sara began to throw around the dishes in the sink, trying to make as much noise as she possibly could. A plate cracked and cut her hand. Sara cursed.

"Sara!" her mom exclaimed. "How dare you use that language! Go to your room!"
"No!" Sara yelled, throwing down the towel she was using to wipe the blood off her hand. 
"Do you want to say 'no' one more time and see what happens?" her mom asked. She looked furious.
"Sure," Sara said sarcastically. "No."

"How dare you!" Her mother slapped her.
Sara shrank back, staring incredulously at her mom. She had never hit Sara before. 

"I HATE YOU!" Sara screamed before running out of the house.

"Sara, get back here!" her mom yelled, running after her.
"Leave me alone!" Sara screamed, running across the street. "I HATE YOU!" she screamed again. 

She continued running until she heard the sound of screeching tires and a scream. She turned around, hoping that it wouldn't be what she thought it would be....

People were crowding around Sara's mother, who was laying in the middle of the street, looking broken, bloody.

"NOOOO!" Sara screamed, running over and pushing through everyone to kneel by her mom. "Oh no, oh no...."

Her mom wasn't moving or breathing. She was gone. Sara tipped back her head and wailed to the sky, sobbing so hard it hurt.

She couldn't believe the last words she had spoken to her mother were "I hate you".

To everyone out there who tells your parents or friends you hate them, or any other rude thing, remember it might be the last thing you ever say to them.